The Ugly Truth

After the day I had today, I seriously need to write this down - for my sake, more than for the sake of others. If I do not write it down and own this, I will seriously convince myself that it's normal. The truth is it's not normal. The ugly truth is I have a problem.

Oh my, I'm sure everyone reading this have quickly jumped into premature conclusions. "Is she...?" "She struggling with this?" The ugly truth you are about to read may not be what you expected... then again, it might be what you expected.


The question I pose for everyone to reflect on is


How do you cope when the storm hits you?


Everyone copes with storms in life differently. Some ways are beneficial, some not harmful but may be destructive, others completely disastrous. Some people cope with drugs, others cope with alcohol. Some cope with sports, others cope with hobbies. No matter what people use to cope, they are looking for whatever it is that will make them feel better - albeit temporarily.


For me, there are two things that become my means to feeling better. One more than the other.

Can you guess what it possibly might be? Yes, my coping mechanism is shopping. And yes, it can potentially be very dangerous to my financial health.

I just bought a new blue sweater dress, a Kat von D eye shadow pallette, Bare Minerals foundation, Bare Minerals powder, and Bare Minerals lipstick. Seriously? Seriously?! Seriously. I only needed two out of all those things I ended up purchasing.

Yesterday was horrible. It's easy for people to say not to worry and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's different this time. This time, it's just pitch black. I don't see any light. I don't even know what direction to step in. It's pitch black... and I am alone. Do you know how frustrating this is? I wanted to throw a tantrum, but I am too tired and drained to be able to throw one. Today is a total blur of numbness. Physically, I am a lot better than I am mentally and emotionally. And I was hoping shopping would make me feel something.. anything... Maybe a hint of happiness?

The cause of my frustration and depression will not be discussed. Sorry. But it's fair to say that it is crippling. I remember my homeroom teacher in 11th grade was told to describe me, and he described me as a person who loves life. Today I was challenged to ask myself: where did that girl go? Is she still anywhere inside of me?

Anywho. The ugly truth is out. Shopping is my coping mechanism, and it can be dangerous. And I realize that.

It's funny how God answers you using your own metaphors and your own language. God revealed to me that he is holding my hand. Yes, I'm in the tunnel. Yes, I can't see where I'm going or where the light is. But God is there holding my hand and, because I know that he has the full perspective, I know it's going to be alright.

What is your coping mechanism? How do you deal with the storms in life? Honestly. Life is always going to be tough. There will be the happy moments, but there will also be the frustrating and depressing moments in life. The question is how do we cope with those frustrating times? Are we going to run to something that gives temporary happiness, or do we run to something that gives peace in the midst of the storm?

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Phillipians 4.13